Review: Equalizer 2000 (1986)
Synopsis
Bear with me here, folks... So there was this nuclear war. And after the whole nuclear winter thing died down it got really hot, even in Alaska. In the sun-baked, barren wasteland that used to be the 49th state, there are still some pockets of humans left. A large, paramilitary-style group called the Ownership (possibly the remnants of George W. Bush's "Ownership Society") have taken control of all the gasoline reserves in the area. The members of the Ownership reside in a cheesy styrofoam castle and look kind of like dusty, post-apocalyptic chauffeurs.
The Ownership is trying to quash the dozen or so little rebel groups that oppose it. During a gun battle between the Ownership and the largest rebel group, we meet our "hero," a beefy bearded fellow by the named of Slade. Slade is fighting for the Ownership, but during the battle his father is killed and he is taken captive by the rebel group. Another member of the Ownership, a skinny idiot named Lawton, is pleased by this development. With the dashing and competent Slade out of the way he can move up the corporate ladder a little more quickly. To ensure that Slade doesn't come back and screw things up for him, Lawton tells the Ownership's leader that Slade deserted them and went over to the rebels' side.
Elsewhere, buxom, post-apocalyptic babe Karen is trying to make a deal with some scummy outlaws to trade gasoline for rockets. The deal goes awry and the outlaws chase her into the hills. She meets up with Slade, who just escaped from his captors, and the two of them fend off the outlaws. Karen takes Slade to the encampment of her father, Dixon. Dixon is the leader of a peaceful group that lives in a sort of fortified slag-heap. They don't want to get involved in the struggle between the Ownership and the rebels, but when the Ownership comes looking for Slade, they are forced to fight.
Dixon and his group are able to hold their own, thanks largely to a big-ass gun - the Equalizer 2000 (well, nobody actually calls it that in the movie but we all know that's its name). Once Lawton sees the Equalizer, he becomes obsessed with it, figuring that if he had a really big gun he could gain control of the Ownership. With the unwitting help of the outlaws, he gets the Equalizer and puts many ventilation holes in his former boss.
Dixon's group decides to throw in their lot with the rebels and attempt an attack on the Ownership castle. With the help of a mysterious tribe of "natives" called the Mountain People, they manage to fight their way in. Karen unwisely saves Slade's life and pays the ultimate price for it. Slade turns Lawton into swiss cheese. When it's all over, everyone throws their weapons into a bonfire, making the moral choice that in the future they will just kill one another with their bare hands.
Comments
For those of you who read Bitter Dregs, I've been trying to decide which is worse, Equalizer 2000 or its cousin, Firebird 2015 A.D. Both feature barren wastelands; dusty, dirty people driving around in beat-up old cars; lots of shooting; a struggle for gasoline; one rather attractive female character; and a distinct lack of effort on the part of the filmmakers. I still haven't made up my mind as to which is the inferior film, but I can say that Equalizer 2000 is the less intellectual of the two. I certainly never got the feeling that there was some oblique political message here the way I did with Firebird. I'd say that Equalizer 2000 is a movie made by the stupid, for the enjoyment of the stupid.
Speaking of stupid, heroes don't come much stupider than Slade. I don't mind the strong, silent type, but I like to have the impression that there is some kind of neural activity going on behind the scenes. When Slade sits there, looking stone-faced into the distance, you can almost hear a dial-tone. And what about the name "Slade," anyway? Do guys like this ever have normal names like Albert or Fred?
Slade's not the only one in the movie with a dumb name, though - many of the minor characters' monikers are even worse. The credits read like a list of rejects from the Seven Dwarves: Skidplate, Boze, Deke, Alamo, Tailfin, Firewall, Lube Job, etc... In addition to the bad names, the filmmakers also chose to give their actors really terrible costumes. Lawton, for example, sports a chauffeur's cap, shop goggles, football pads, boots, gauntlets, and duct tape accents, all seemingly spray-painted black. It looks even less threatening than it sounds on Lawton, who appears to be about 6'2 and 115 lbs.
I can't believe they killed off Karen (played with actual effort by Corinne Wahl). Maybe it was expecting too much to hope the only likable character would make it to the end of the film, but I was rather incensed when she got gunned down. She seemed to bring a little life to her role, unlike her costars (and, no, it wasn't just because she had a spandex tank-top with a plunging neckline). Her death served no particular purpose as far as the plot is concerned, so I'm guessing they had to eliminate her because she was making the other actors look even worse by comparison.
I don't know if the nuclear holocaust caused people to lose the ability to use the sights on guns, but nobody in Equalizer 2000 can aim worth two cents. Considering the number of rounds fired through the course of the movie, the death toll is really quite low. The only people who seem able to hit their targets are the Mountain People, who use bows and arrows as their primary weapons. The importance of the Equalizer seems mitigated by the fact that not even Slade could hit the broad side of a battleship with it.
Issues of aiming aside, I still don't understand what was so great about this gun anyway. It was basically just a couple of machine guns and rocket launchers welded together. It's not like the average graduate of shop class couldn't figure out how to make another one.
Final Analysis
Equalizer 2000 is a joyless little film which adds nothing of note to the post-apocalyptic school of cinema. The big gun is kind of cool, and Karen is agreeably foxy, but by the end of the movie they are both history. Watch this one only if every other boring, low-budget, post-nuclear-holocaust movie is unavailable.
16 Comments:
I think slade is a cool name it is not as comon as other names
Free Casino Game tyuueooru
Free Casino Bonus
This is why online casino seems to be a common interest of many nowadays.
[url=http://www.nhgaa.org/]Best Casinos[/url]
Once you come across the lists, check out each website one after another in order to figure out the one you're actually looking for.
http://www.nhgaa.org/ - No Download Casino
There are several things to be considered when selecting the best gambling website.
[url=http://tinyurl.com/y9qxher][img]http://i069.radikal.ru/1001/35/75e72b218708.jpg[/img][/url]
Related keywords:
Tramadol 50 mg tab
false positive pcp Tramadol
Tramadol 50 mg tabs
Tramadol cod overnight delivery
Tramadol otc
picture of Tramadol pill
Tramadol dose of 300 mg
buy cheap Tramadol no prescription
[url=http://www.zazzle.com/AlexanderBlack]buy Tramadol by c o d [/url]
[url=http://seobraincenter.ru]http://seobraincenter.ru[/url]
Tramadol with next day delivery
Tramadol hydrochloride dosing
nextday Tramadol
Tramadol pain management doctors
buy drug Tramadol
Tramadol dosage for dog
drug effects more side Tramadol
yoho personals [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]dating prison women[/url] personals abbreviations http://loveepicentre.com/ gayfetishpersonals
weight loss surger pictures [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/viramune.htm]viramune[/url] li womens health care http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/pro-erex.htm dental tourism poland http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/magen-darm.htm
afl drug results [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/sleeping-aide.htm]sleeping aide[/url] wealth of health chef valerie adair [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/alavert.htm]kidder county community health center steele nd[/url]
http://alwayshealth.in/is-syndrome/therapy-for-chronic-fatigue-syndrome
[url=http://alwayshealth.in/olanzapine/olanzapine-and-weight-gain]viagra patent lawsuit levitra[/url] prescription drugs records [url=http://alwayshealth.in/potency/dexamethasone-potency]dexamethasone potency[/url]
drug ghb http://alwayshealth.in/oxcarbazepine/oxcarbazepine-300mg
[url=http://alwayshealth.in/penis-growth/penis-tubes]current drug use in thailand 2007[/url] running erectile dysfunction [url=http://alwayshealth.in/hearts/strauss-heart]strauss heart[/url]
pharmacy blister packaging http://alwayshealth.in/stop-smoking/pro-smoking-bans
[url=http://alwayshealth.in/pravachol/of-pravachol]cyclosporin pharmacy canada opthalmic ointment[/url] national western lamb drug testing results htm [url=http://alwayshealth.in/pravastatin/chiral-centers-of-pravastatin]chiral centers of pravastatin[/url] drug concerta xl [url=http://alwayshealth.in/infection/mouth-rinse-to-fight-infection]mouth rinse to fight infection[/url]
mercedes car saloon http://autoexpress.in/scion/league/city/scion mercedes supercar v12
[url=http://autoexpress.in/peugeot/peugeot/motocycles]auto watch car alarm[/url] automobile inventors [url=http://autoexpress.in/plymouth/resturant/plymouth]resturant plymouth[/url]
volkswagen eos accessories http://autoexpress.in/maserati/maserati/european/delivery/program
[url=http://autoexpress.in/racing/good/luck/charms/in/racing/and/showing/horses]florida automobile gun laws[/url] auto macanicstuner411 [url=http://autoexpress.in/nissan/nissan/exceptance]nissan exceptance[/url]
volkswagen auto plant http://autoexpress.in/maserati/maserati/rare
[url=http://autoexpress.in/scion/condit/scion/world]luxury automobile detailing connecticut[/url] auto max auto on [url=http://autoexpress.in/maserati/maserati/dealers/ontario]maserati dealers ontario[/url]
this kind of topic is good for people to learn more about it, and that people should be every day less ignorant, and medicine for this is the reading of issues like this
crf 230f racing graphics http://latestcarnews.in/lexus/used-lexus-engines-in-atlanta mercedes benz r500
[url=http://latestcarnews.in/skoda/skoda-service-centre-bilston]family tire and auto new bern[/url] mercedes benz central florida [url=http://latestcarnews.in/skoda/wallpaper-skoda-fabio]wallpaper skoda fabio[/url]
free life time auto alignments http://latestcarnews.in/nissan/estabrook-nissan-mississippi
[url=http://latestcarnews.in/toyotas/toyota-altezza-vehicle-model-numbers]pneumatique automobile[/url] dodge dakotas for sale in richmond [url=http://latestcarnews.in/lexus/modifying-a-lexus-is-300]modifying a lexus is 300[/url]
national automobile insurance http://latestcarnews.in/peugeot/peugeot-607-tiptronic-gearbox
[url=http://latestcarnews.in/motors/general-motors-complaint-company]new mercedes mini cars[/url] automobile colour codes [url=http://latestcarnews.in/plymouth/zip-code-plymouth-meeting-pa]zip code plymouth meeting pa[/url]
revolutionary war fashion http://topcitystyle.com/armani-page3.html website for people learning to make clothes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/navy-blue-and-white-men-color171.html]winter fashion on the street[/url] baby girl christmas clothes
http://topcitystyle.com/-clubbing-on-sale-category18.html designer jeans [url=http://topcitystyle.com/dolce-amp-gabbana-sports-shoes-brand2.html]euphoria calvin klein[/url]
natural redhead dildo movie http://theporncollection.in/gay-male/pagine-personali-gay
[url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-man/gay-marie-eskaton]punishing anal[/url] hentai lolicon games [url=http://theporncollection.in/porn-galleries/porn-lesbian-sites]porn lesbian sites[/url]
tasha smith sexy http://theporncollection.in/porn-dvd/little-indian-porn
[url=http://theporncollection.in/best-porn/teen-porn-downloadable-videos]kamyla hentai[/url] daily asian porn galleries [url=http://theporncollection.in/sex-mature/big-mature-escorts-manchester]big mature escorts manchester[/url]
gravvy porn http://theporncollection.in/mature-woman
[url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-love/gay-chubby-sex]adult bookstores in fl[/url] video sexy laure manaudou [url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-anal/gay-physicals]gay physicals[/url]
amateur female orgasm clips http://theporncollection.in/gay-male/gay-hotels-washington-dc
[url=http://theporncollection.in/lubricant/human-internal-lubricant]sex girl porn[/url] the dildo song download [url=http://theporncollection.in/gay-boy/free-gay-jizz]free gay jizz[/url]
where to buy sex lubricant http://xwe.in/ass-video/how-to-lick-yo-husbands-ass
[url=http://xwe.in/thong/thong-tpg]lisa daniels hardcore anal pictures[/url] my hentai [url=http://xwe.in/bondage/gay-bondage-thumbs]gay bondage thumbs[/url]
cut off anal skintags http://xwe.in/ass-video/ass-smooties
[url=http://xwe.in/archive-adult/adult-games-mobile]deep dark dare bang wife young adult[/url] hentai dvd where nurse runs to bathroom but does not make it [url=http://xwe.in/fetish/los-angeles-fetish-ball]los angeles fetish ball[/url]
adult hardcore videos http://xwe.in/nylon/pont-neuf-bridge-in-ballistic-nylon
[url=http://xwe.in/condom/do-spermicidal-condoms-cause-yeast-infections]son mom xxx hentai[/url] song title sexy boy [url=http://xwe.in/erotic-gay/ag-super-erotic-manga-anthology-vol]ag super erotic manga anthology vol[/url]
advent calendar adult http://xwe.in/thong/havaianas-thong
[url=http://xwe.in/girl-anal/elmer-fist-anal]dildo demo[/url] lubricant materials [url=http://xwe.in/handjob/handjob-porn-archives]handjob porn archives[/url]
average age of student watching pornographic movie [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-en-riddares-historia/23152database/]En Riddares Historia[/url] sweet peaches movie [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-los-seis-signos-de-la-luz-/17343database/]Los Seis Signos De La Luz [/url]
double sided movie posters [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-call-to-arms--tsung-hua---kung-fu-/21153database/]Call To Arms (Tsung Hua) (Kung Fu)[/url] free downloadable scenes of unfaithful movie [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-flash-point/16515database/]Flash Point[/url]
skyhooks horror movie lyrics [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-national-geographic-channel---v-rus-mutantes--danger-virus----dublado/9742database/]National Geographic Channel - Vrus Mutantes (Danger Virus) - Dublado[/url] hunt valley movie theatre maryland [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-animal-house/10578database/]Animal House[/url]
movie cache [url=http://full-length-movies.com/dvd-quality-movie-tmnt/4209database/]TMNT[/url] clips from the movie sin city [url=http://worldmovs.co.cc/full_version-stargate-the-ark-of-truth/26842database/]Stargate The Ark Of Truth[/url]
creatinine level when kidney failed [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/propranolol.htm]propranolol[/url] free breast cancer presentations atlanta http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/buspar.htm
body muscle facts [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/carafate.htm]carafate[/url] famous people with anxiety stress disorder [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/zyvox.htm ]atorvastatin calcium 40mg onformation [/url] yardley medical center
certified medical coder [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/seroquel.htm]seroquel[/url] cholesterol plant sterols http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/diclofenac.htm
hypertension and swollen ankles [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/cefadroxil.htm]cefadroxil[/url] penis changing color [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/eulexin.htm ]kidney infection due to ecoli [/url] free lemonade diet
largest business travel agencies http://xwl.in/disneyland/paradise-pier-hotel-disneyland essential travel guide
[url=http://xwl.in/expedia]travel delay rights airline[/url] canadian travel companies [url=http://xwl.in/expedia/travel-expedia]travel expedia[/url]
chile argentina travel http://xwl.in/airport/merowe-airport
[url=http://xwl.in/plane-tickets/cheap-round-trip-plane-tickets-to-canada]travel with mini dv tapes[/url] pennsylvania travel [url=http://xwl.in/tourism/samoa-tourism]samoa tourism[/url]
travel beyween yerevan and baku http://xwl.in/cruise/cruise-june-belize travel down the nile webquest [url=http://xwl.in/cruise/which-open-seas-are-best-to-cruise-on]which open seas are best to cruise on[/url]
So, none of the comments for your review are actually related to it - they’re all just pharmacy and porn solicitation. That’s just sad.
Post a Comment
<< Home